{I'll probably do short life updates and extended life updates - guess the difference}
Dammit I lost my phone where the heck is it.
I hate myself sometimes because I just so easily
Forget
Which is why I'm in the computer of my study room and analyzing Those Winter Sundays by Robert Hayden.
I'm not the kind to do things for fame. Approval, maybe, because all of us want approval to some degree, but fame? No.
My mom had a fairly popular blog once. I've never seen it. I just heard her talk about it once. She thinks I'm suited for blogging, since I like writing a lot. She's probably right.
Why publicize thoughts on the Internet? I thought thoughts were one's most secret things about themselves. Why disclose too much? But as I grew older, I talked a lot more, wrote a lot more, and I guess this blog is the third outlet so far. Okay, third would be a lie. But you get the picture.
It's basically for the record. "Oh Emilia what have you done before?" "Oh, haha, funny enough I did have a blog at 15". It's one thing added to your personal resume - your list of personal achievements. I haven't done a lot with my life. When one at school sees me they probably think "Oh she's smart". I wonder if there's something else that goes along with that. And I guess if you look at things I have achieved, things I have done, I am smart. I don't think I am, but if I weren't me and you shoved my A*s for IGCSE at Year 9 into my face I'd probably agree with you that yeah, maybe I am.
Maybe that's all there really is to me. I do sports in PE, and I'm fairly decent, though leaning towards the worser side, but I'm not outstanding in anything. My social relationships are confined to a circle of friends who the "noisy button" switches on to and I talk a lot, as well as some other acquaintances. I'd like to call them friends, but they probably know a lot of people who they talk to more than me when I don't talk to that many people in the first place, so I guess what we consider friendship is subjective.
Which brings me back here I guess - to this blog. It's just nice to say "Hey but I did do this too." You know that feeling of excitement you feel when someone asks you if you know this and you do know? Basically, you could say I'm trying to add cool points. To feel more personally achieved.
Maybe I should try to achieve something other than this lol. I still have past years to complete.
Bamboozle - cheat or fool
Perusal - the action of reading or examining something
(Credit: Google)
Basically, I'm trying to learn about myself. But what if what I conclude about myself is wrong and strays further from the truth? Once again, I fool myself.
